Confessions

I'll just say it. I am a control freak, a planner, an organizer. I make lists. I like to know what to expect and when to expect it. And when my circumstances aren't allowing me to be in control, I get nervous. Anxious. And desire to devise a plan. My plan... always works, right? Nope!  So in the midst of life and the unknowns our family is facing, I am struggling. What we know... in a few short months our families income will be reduced drastically. Our employment status will have to change somehow. Right now, we both work part time. We are looking for full time employment. We are waiting and waiting for some kind of response.  What we know...the home we live in could sell at any time. Or it may not. What we know... the ups and downs and "unknowns" affect how Noah directly responds to us. What we know... the Lord sent us here. To this place for this season to learn to rely fully on HIM. We cannot back down or run away when times become hard.  What we know... God is faithful to us and offers more grace than we could ever imagine. He alone is our sustainer. He is the lover of our souls and all we could ever need. So... we wait and we serve and we love and we give of ourselves until His plan is revealed to us.

So on this day, as all these things are running through my mind and I'm wishing I were close to family, I read this:

"Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life. If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become. There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My Presence with you. This continual contact with Me will keep you in My Peace. Moreover, I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but on what is unseen (My Presence)."